You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: I’m Gonna Twerk That Man Right Outta My Hair

21 Sep

In the lobby of the Orpheum Theatre in Memphis, Tennessee, is a Steinway baby grand player piano. It can be programmed online to play a variety of music, which is pretty cool, but unfortunately they program it to run through the same three medleys every night and I “get” to listen to it for an hour before every show. The rotation varies, but it’s always the same three medleys: Oklahoma!, South Pacific and The Phantom of the Opera.

Tonight during walk-in, I noticed a small-framed man in his early- to mid-50’s with a ponytail and a cane. He vaguely resembled Rick Moranis and he was standing very still looking at an artist’s rendering of the soon-to-be-built Orpheum Centre for Performing Arts and Leadership. A nicely-dressed woman looked on with him, though they didn’t appear to be together.

The South Pacific medley plowed through overly-ornate Richard Chamberlain-esque arrangements of “Some Enchanted Evening” and “Bali Ha’i.” As it transitioned from “I’m In Love With A Wonderful Guy” into “I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair,” the Moranis wannabe began bouncing, bouncing, bouncing along with the music until he reached what I assume to be his best full-out twerk. If any Broadway score screams, “Twerk!,” it’s South Pacific. I couldn’t tear my eyes away, though no one else seemed to notice, including the woman standing next to him. She took notice, however, when he reached over and began to massage her scalp as if he was washing her hair.

I sure hope she was his wife.


One Response to “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up: I’m Gonna Twerk That Man Right Outta My Hair”


  1. And Now Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming… | Confessions of a Merch Whore - February 4, 2014

    […] entries about death and feeling fat. I often write frivolous things about “Frozen” or men twerking at Flashdance, but every once in a while I do try to give you some substance, and I appreciate each of you who […]

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