Meanwhile, Back At The Merch Booth…

7 Dec

Last night was rough in Tempe. It was cold – it actually got down to 44 degrees, which is real people cold, not “Oh, it’s 60 degrees – let me pull out my gloves, scarf and floor-length coat” kind of cold that we’ve been seeing out here in the desert for the last few weeks. It really was cold, and apparently that pissed everyone off in Arizona. Sales last night were bad and honestly, I’m not entirely sure why, but two of the women I encountered early on in my walk-in were fairly good indicators of how the rest of the night was going to go.

A well-dressed WOMAN approached my booth with HER HUSBAND. SHE spent a few seconds looking at the shirts with HER elbows on my booth and HER head in her hands.

WOMAN: Are these all the t-shirts you have? You don’t have any for women?
ME: The two fitted t-shirts on the mannequins are both fitted ladies’ tees.
WOMAN: Yeah, but…don’t you have anything SEXY?
ME: Well…the show is not entirely “sexy…”
WOMAN: Yeah, but she a HO!
ME (taken aback): Uh…sure…but just because she’s one in the show doesn’t mean people want to dress like one…
WOMAN: I do!

After several minutes of trying to get her to use her words, I finally figured out that what she meant by “sexy” was actually a spaghetti strap tank top, which we don’t have.

A few minutes later, ANOTHER WOMAN waddled up to the booth with long gray hair which had huge curls cemented with lots of hair spray – it kind of looked like an 18th century judge’s wig. SHE looked about as pleasant as one would expect an 18th century judge to be, as well.

ME: Hi! How are you tonight?
ANOTHER WOMAN (aggressively): I’m just looking at your stuff. Is that OK??
ME: Sure. Of course.
WOMAN: I don’t even want to be here. My daughter dragged me here. I would have given my tickets away if she hadn’t made me come.
ME: Oh…uh huh.
WOMAN: I mean, maybe it’ll be good. I don’t know. I’ve seen other shows here before that I expected to be a waste of time and they were fabulous.
ME: Uh huh. What makes you think this one’s going to be a waste of time?
WOMAN: I already know the story.

Pleasant, huh? Hopefully the next couple of days will be full of happier people with lots of disposable income and no need for “sexy” merchandise.

In other, completely unrelated news – I saw “Frozen” with some friends the other night. I had a few issues with the storytelling, but for the most part, I really liked it. Much more than I expected to, at least, and I loved the score. Christophe Beck wrote the orchestral score, which is stunning, and Bobby Lopez (Avenue Q, Finding Nemo: The Musical and The Book of Mormon) and Kristen Anderson-Lopez (Finding Nemo: The Musical, “Winnie the Pooh” and “The Wonder Pets”) wrote the movie’s musical numbers, including one of the most exhilarating, fantastic songs I’ve heard in a Disney animated feature maybe since “Part of Your World.” “Let It Go” is sung by Idina Menzel (Rent, Wicked and currently If/Then on Broadway) and Idina certainly does let it all go. *Spoilers ahead*: The song is sung by Elsa, one of the two lead female characters in the movie. Since childhood, she has been cursed (or blessed…?) with the ability to freeze anything she touches and the power gets stronger as she grows older, so her parents – the King and Queen – decide it best to seclude her from everyone to protect both her and everyone around her. For years, she is closed up in her room, unable to interact with anyone, including her sister, Anna (voiced brilliantly by Kristen Bell) until she is forced to come out on her coronation day to take over as Queen. Elsa’s curse/gift is exposed in front of the whole kingdom and she is run out of the kingdom because everyone thinks she is a witch. As she climbs a snowy mountain, alone and scared, she sings “Let It Go,” in which she finally accepts herself and her talents and begins to explore what she’s actually capable of now that she no longer has to hide it. It’s an empowering song and Menzel’s vocals are incredibly exciting. I have a feeling the Lopezes have won themselves an Oscar this year.

And thirdly…a friend posted this link to my Facebook page today. It’s a blog called “How May We Hate You” and it’s basically the same idea as what my blog was originally intended to be: ridiculous retellings of the stupid things people say and do, only these are stories from hotel employees and they are hilarious. I hope you’ll visit their page and enjoy their stories. Tell ’em the MerchWhore sent you!


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